I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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