Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
