Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
did you just send me my own nude
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
His nipple licking is glorious
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