I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
