Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
