Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
