Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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