I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
