Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
