I'm really into asian looking animals
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my poor anus
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
