you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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