I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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