well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
