Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
