Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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