i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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