my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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