Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
