My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
