We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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