he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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