quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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