dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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