i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
