Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
