Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
