So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
