the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
