Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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