he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
