I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
