We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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