i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
