Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
