Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
