Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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