We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize