yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
