my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
