I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
