Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
