i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
