I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
