Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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