Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
