Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
