Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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