My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
