in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
