i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
