i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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