At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize