My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
