I wish my penis had an off switch
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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