just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize