Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
