my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
