we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
