Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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