You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
