he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
