sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
