Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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