also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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