walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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