Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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