i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
